2016 Q&A

Right then you little devils listen up !

Last year I did a  Q&A video on my youtube channel to help break the ice. Although my channel had just started and my blog was quite small I still had a decent number of interesting questions. I spoke about shoes, sexuality and what politician I'd like to drop into a vat of 90's kids TV show gunge.

It was lots of fun and still one of my fav videos from last year. Soooo with that in mind....

Let's do it all again !

I'm going to be away on the 29th and 30th of March down in sunny Bournemouth, the perfect opportunity for me to answer some of your questions in a cool new environment. What do I need from you then ?

Some questions of course.

Now last year I kept this really open, I let people ask me absolutely anything. I didn't want it to be specifically about trans stuff, it worked really well so I'm going to do it again. This is your one chance (Until 2017) to ask me absolutely anything. If you want to know my shoe size, then ask. If you want to know my thoughts on the Ghostbusters trailer,go ahead. If you want to know my feelings on the sociopolitical landscape of a post Trump America....actually don't ask me that BUT anything is basically fine.

Within reason obviously

This isn't going to be a LOL LET'S LAUGH ALONG AT TERRIBLE COMMENTS thing. Nor will I be answering some stuff may be overly personal, what do I mean by that? Well I'd like to think my audience could work that out. But yeah basically anything. Whatever you want to ask.

I'll be taking questions up until Tuesday March 29th, after that you will need to wait an entire year to ask me what my favourite Elvis Presley song is.

You can leave a comment here (with your name if you want).
Or you can email me charlotterosewilliams1989@gmail.com
Facebook if you have my profile
Or tweet me @CharlotteWTalk

Great stuff ! I hope to hear from y'all soon.

Charlie

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right

B, A, aaannndd START

I've realised something recently, since I started taking steps to transition I can't shake the feeling that I'm lying to people....

Let me explain.....


As regular readers are aware, there are still a good few people that don't know I'm trans. I still present male around those people and as far as they are concerned there's no reason to doubt that. This goes for some close members of my family, my work place and friends. My decision to hold off on telling people is based on a few things, fear of loosing people and the worry of getting the sack among other things. This used to be really unbearable however I found some sort of sanctuary writing my feelings down on here. It's been a fantastic way for me to let loose and tell people what I'm currently doing. I'd say this blog has saved me I.E Charlotte in ways I couldn't even begin to describe. It has however caused some really weird conflict in my mind.

As this blog has grown I've made more of an effort to present female in public, I've posted about them a few times and this is something that's going to continue (I'm in Bournemouth in a few weeks being all super cool Charlie). But I've found that as I've made these decisions without the backing of those people mentioned above I...urm...how can I best put this.

Well yeah basically, it feels like I'm cheating....

(This is the point you realise the reference in the blog title and laugh) 

For example.....

I'm getting to that age now where people expect certain things, you know starting a family, moving in somewhere and start focusing on my career with this assumption that I'll be doing those things as a male, but if it's one thing we have all learned (well you lot have figured it out I'm still in this odd denial) it's that it ain't me.

I'm bloody trans for pity's sake

The longer I go without telling people the longer I feel like I have to keep up this weird charade, the nodding in agreement with people when they suggest places to move to all the while knowing that I want my life to go in this totally other direction. And it's making me feel like a terrible person. Every single time someone mentions 'my future' I feel like I'm stabbing people in the back or that I'm being unfaithful to those closest to me.

It's not just those people who see me daily that I feel like I'm lying to. I love the fact that on here, everyone knows my as Charlotte. That fool with the fringe and a wardrobe consisting of only black clothes. It's awesome that nobody will ever misgender me or ask for my male name. It's not always how I appear though issit and if I blog while presenting "Male" (in physical terms) or write some really clever tweet it sometimes feels like it's someone else doing the writing, or that my opinions should only really count if I was 100% out and out trans.

It's kind of making me feel a bit awful.

And I know I can just get out of this. I can have the life I want and still progress in my career, settle down with someone who cares and do this thing they call 'being an adult'. The life I want and the life I have right now are basically the same just with a few changes. Well one change. To stop being seen as a male and for people to see me as I am.

I usually like to end my blogs with some sort of positive answer or a plan to move forward. In this situation though honestly I have nothing, I just wanted to put something down here and get it off my chest.

Catch up on my transition stuff. I've yet to hear back from the GP and have been stuck under a pile of paperwork (and my own fear) to chase it up. The plan is to give em a ring next week to see what's happening.

Charlie xx