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| This is going to be a controversial one. |
To clarify my decision to use the gents was down to two main factors. One was my relative shyness towards using anything other than what I was used to. I want to take my transition from closet to outwardly trans as slowly as I can and this is just one small footnote at the end of my journey. Secondly I was with an all male group and I thought using the same restroom as them gave me extra support. If there were female members of the group I would have probably had a different outlook. We had one of my very good female friends with us at the start of the evening however she could not stay for long (I'm just adding that so she doesn't think I called her a man haha).
This decision has left some of my readers with questions. Why go through all that effort to go out as a Woman and not use a loo that I had every right to use being Trans. Some have suggested that by doing it I could have shattered the 'illusion' of being a woman. For the first point see my earlier statement but it's that second that I want to look at in greater detail.
First off what do they mean by illusion? Despite being trans I have no bones about who or what I have going on underneath. I can wear, act or be whoever I want but it doesn't change the fact that at that moment in time I'm still genetically male. This might sound like an admission of defeat, Trans men & women fight for the right to be treated the way they feel regardless of physical appearance and me saying well my body is male could be perceived as a little short sighted. I don't however see it that way. I think it gives me the opportunity to use both sides of my personality and to essentially mix my gender. Every single one of our brains are wired differently and I embrace my masculinity. To me it's not an illusion. I'm not trying to convince or trick people into thinking I am a woman. If I say I am a Woman then why do I have to then put on an act. To convince people? It's not up to them to judge. I say I am therefore you better make damn sure you think of me as a woman. Again my choice if bathroom is really my decision and doing so makes me no more or less of a woman. I think we are focused on general acceptance to such an extend that maybe we forget that there are still individuals in this community with different thoughts, feelings and strengths.
It's this train of though that could also be preventing me from making the leap into the ladies. Maybe it's a personal stigma or a childhood belief that men use the men's and women use the women's that stop me. The more I think about it the more I think this could be playing a role. Even though being Trans has given me a totally different view on gender there was 10+ years before this where traditional gender roles are taught. I'm also acutely aware as a recent active feminist that there could still be some way left to go before Trans Women are totally accepted within that space. I remember during my time at university a trans woman used the ladies restroom to conduct some less than noble activities. I'm not going to go into detail on what happened but this has made me realise that we are still a long way off. And that is completely fair at this moment in time. I believe in baby steps with most social issues and this is one such occasion.
I've probably gone on way to long about my chosen location to wee so I'll leave it here for now. This blog is also a space for progression so before I go maybe I can offer some solutions. I've always been quite open to the possibility of a gender neutral bathroom or a space for those who make up what I'm going to call the third Gender. This too is obviously open for debate and it's not a totally perfect. We can use this area to discuss so let me know in the comments how you feel about bars having a gender neutral restroom. Until then maybe I will venture into the ladies on my next night out and let you know how it went !
Charlie xx
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