Shopping Anxiety

There will come a time in most of our Trans lives (Urgh) when we have to stop buying things online and venture out into the wide world. Despite the amount of amazing things we can get on the web in discreet packaging and for a good price, nothing compares to actually visiting a shop to buy what you need. Not only can you see in real life what an item of clothing looks like, but you can see how well something may fit you. I usually stick around the Size 10 mark however there are items which I may go up or down in size, something you wouldn't know if you bought purely online. There is however still an element of anxiety or fear when buying in person. With others it’s no problem at all. When buying for my partner there’s no problem. So why does it only happen when I’m buying for myself? And do other Trans Men & Women have this issue?

It’s something I noticed on one of my last solo ventures. I needed a pair of leggings. As items of clothing go it’s nothing too exciting. Everywhere sells them so it wasn't as if I was getting something special or something which would require the assistance of staff. I went to wherever it was I was buying from and was greeted by a member of staff asking if I needed any help. This is definitely a plus and I’d hate for people to think that I was annoyed at being approached, considering I was in a shop that sold just Women’s clothing so any help was definitely appreciated. If I was buying for someone else then they could have helped me make the right choice. And if I am buying for myself then it should just be another sale. But as confident as I was going in that moment made me anxious. It was like a hundred different pairs of eyes had suddenly laser focused onto me, everyone trying to figure out why a guy was in the market for some leggings. The truth is there was only her and me in the store, but it couldn't help but make me feel like I was being judged. So I made a swift exit and never got the leggings I needed (I SO NEEDED THEM SHUT UP).

I decided to go to a more impersonal store where the shop owners couldn't care less who you are or what you bought. Although comforting in some weird way I did feel somewhat bad about leaving somewhere which could have offered me a better service. So I began to think why was I anxious about someone who I've never met and will likely never meet again knowing?

Well think it could be two different things. And both of them are personal things I should really work on. Firstly am I only acting this way because I think everyone knows I’m there to buy for myself? It feels almost as if for that brief moment everyone can read my thoughts and they just know that I’m there because I desperately need that pair of shoes (Thanks for the stereotype there Charlie :P). And could being dressed in my normal Male clothes make me feel uncomfortable with the idea of buying things for myself. There is still some percentage of the population who still perceive Trans Men & Women as perverts who only wear the opposite Genders clothing for some thrill. This is an image that has slowly begun to change as we begin to understand the various different aspects of Gender Identity and why we may or may not end up in the garments of the opposite sex.

 It would be all too easy to blame other people for these issues but I think there are aspects about myself which could be changed. Consider for example my prejudice towards the general public, perhaps stemming from the events I've experienced (See: Me myself and Charlie part 2). Maybe I thought that the person in question wouldn't get the whole Trans thing and things could have gone weird. Maybe part of me feels that if this random stranger knew I was Trans they would I don’t know refuse to sell to me, or give me some horrible abuse or worse it could involve someone who doesn't look at the community in the best of light. Now she didn't give off the impression that she was anything other than a shop assistant trying to help a customer so why did I put up that barrier so fast? Am I being just as judgmental as the people I assume are doing the same to me? Maybe I should give people a bit more considerate about how they may perceive Transgenderism.

It appears I’m also not the only one who suffers from this type of anxiety when buying clothes either. I dropped this question to several members of my friends in the Trans community and it appears some of you shared the exact same feelings as I do. I asked one of my closest friends in the community all about the matter and she said almost exactly the same as me. “I just couldn't shake the feeling that everybody knew I was shopping to crossdress and being judged, it was the most anxious I've ever felt in public”. So it appears I’m not alone in this.

So what can we do to help this issue? Well I’m not going to suggest every shop has a visible Trans friendly space or to make a deal out of it. As societal norms change it will eventually reach the point where it won’t matter.  I can do some things myself thought to help speed the process up. Next time someone asks why hide it? Why not take someone’s help? Who knows maybe they can offer up some great advice.

And as a treat here's a picture of some shoes I just bought.....