Monday 30 March 2015
Vlog: Pillars of Transmisogyny
Hey gang !
So I wasn't sure if I was going to do this. I usually keep out of this stuff because I've never felt confident enough to really talk out loud like this. But here goes anyway. Here's my take on the whole Pillars of Eternity poem and the subsequent fallout from Total Biscuit. I try to remain as impartial as possible. Let me know in the comments how I got on. There's so much more I could have said but hopefully I've done enough.
Saturday 28 March 2015
Vlog: 5 Facts Special
Tuesday 24 March 2015
Terms & Conditions May Apply
Like many of my posts recently this has been inspired by stuff I've seen around me. It doesn't come from personal experience but from reading comments and posts from friends. This week we are going to talk about the word trans & why we may or may not want to use it.
For the record I've only really embraced the word in the last year. I've never found any of the terms to really represent me. So many of them are specific to each individuals situation or lifestyle and since I'm still finding my way it's been difficult to find the right one. Trans however is just a blanket term which I feel we can all embrace one way or the other. There are those however who buck the trend and unfortunately get a lot of negativity because of this.
I've seen quite a number of friends who I would initially have called trans throw away that moniker and instead call themselves quite simply women. Regardless of where you are on the gender Spectrum having the courage to identify as who you are is fantastic and I love them because of this. Being able to express your true feelings is incredibly difficult and I'm ever so proud of those women who don't feel they need to add this extra caveat at the front. It's just unfortunate that there are people out there who don't see it that way. Even worse when it comes from inside the trans community.
Most of the comments point at the individuals current physical body, in particular if they have begun the process of transitioning. The focus on the 'sex' instead of gender is perhaps a conversation for another time but I'll continue. Now for a lot of us having surgery and expensive therapy is not an option, so why do we make up such arbitrary rules for when someone can call themselves a woman? I've been told it's because underneath in the physical sense they are still Male. Not only is that comment naive as all hell it's also way too focused on the individuals Genitalia, you know that thing Feminists such as myself stand against. There's more to Males and Females than what they have going on underneath so to focus on that one thing shows a complete lack of understanding and only enforces the belief that women can only be women if they can for example give birth. Which isn't really fair since there are thousands of individuals who won't ever experience that. There's a huge fascination with what's going on underneath with trans women. That's why trans related adult material is such large market. And we need to perhaps begin focusing on not what we have in the physical sense but what we have going on in our heads.
I've also been told that it's deceitful to call yourself a woman when you are trans. As if you are out to trap unaware Men with your amazing ability to look like the opposite sex. If you want to read more about this then I suggest finding a copy of Whipping Girl by Julia Serano. In it she has a section on the belief that trans women are out to be deceitful and she does a far better job than I ever could. But it simply is not the case. You aren't calling yourself a woman to lure people back to your trans den before whipping your junk out. Although there are definitely some aspects of the community who would perhaps engage in such activities it is not a true reflection of us as a whole.
So what it means then is we are women with terms & conditions. We may use the word but we also have to preface it with a large warning. WE MAY BE MEN UNDERNEATH SO WATCH OUT. The worst part is I've seen this attitude come from the trans community. A good friend of mine was told that she has no right to call herself a woman while she has no breasts and should instead call herself a Man. But who has the authority on what you can be called? If you want to call yourself trans then do it. If you want to be called a woman do it. There should be nothing stopping you, especially from the community that should have your back the most. This attitude only serves to emotionally cripple an individual and stop them from being their true self. I've found that I now use trans more because of this. When I use that term it feels like I am giving people a slight heads up which doesn't help anyone. It doesn't make me feel like I could ever be that person that I sometimes want to be. If I decide to begin living my life as a woman it would be a long time before I can make any sort of moves on transitioning so up until that moment am I not to call myself who I am? Am I not a real woman until I have all the bits and pieces in the right place? If we have people within our own community who feel that way it goes to show we have further to go than I first thought
As always I appreciate all your feedback. If you want to see more of the rubbish I write then remember to follow me on Twitter @Charlottewbuzz and if you could then subscribe to me on Youtube www.youtube.com/c/CharlotteWilliamsBuzz
For the record I've only really embraced the word in the last year. I've never found any of the terms to really represent me. So many of them are specific to each individuals situation or lifestyle and since I'm still finding my way it's been difficult to find the right one. Trans however is just a blanket term which I feel we can all embrace one way or the other. There are those however who buck the trend and unfortunately get a lot of negativity because of this.
 |
| Apparently this person can't call herself female |
Most of the comments point at the individuals current physical body, in particular if they have begun the process of transitioning. The focus on the 'sex' instead of gender is perhaps a conversation for another time but I'll continue. Now for a lot of us having surgery and expensive therapy is not an option, so why do we make up such arbitrary rules for when someone can call themselves a woman? I've been told it's because underneath in the physical sense they are still Male. Not only is that comment naive as all hell it's also way too focused on the individuals Genitalia, you know that thing Feminists such as myself stand against. There's more to Males and Females than what they have going on underneath so to focus on that one thing shows a complete lack of understanding and only enforces the belief that women can only be women if they can for example give birth. Which isn't really fair since there are thousands of individuals who won't ever experience that. There's a huge fascination with what's going on underneath with trans women. That's why trans related adult material is such large market. And we need to perhaps begin focusing on not what we have in the physical sense but what we have going on in our heads.
I've also been told that it's deceitful to call yourself a woman when you are trans. As if you are out to trap unaware Men with your amazing ability to look like the opposite sex. If you want to read more about this then I suggest finding a copy of Whipping Girl by Julia Serano. In it she has a section on the belief that trans women are out to be deceitful and she does a far better job than I ever could. But it simply is not the case. You aren't calling yourself a woman to lure people back to your trans den before whipping your junk out. Although there are definitely some aspects of the community who would perhaps engage in such activities it is not a true reflection of us as a whole.
 |
| That person is me |
As always I appreciate all your feedback. If you want to see more of the rubbish I write then remember to follow me on Twitter @Charlottewbuzz and if you could then subscribe to me on Youtube www.youtube.com/c/CharlotteWilliamsBuzz
Friday 20 March 2015
Vlog Intro
Bonjour everyone !
Well I did it, I've recorded a couple of video logs as mentioned in a previous post. Right now I'm only putting up the intro with the next one going up possibly Monday/Tuesday. So let me know what you think ! If you like my ramblings then remember to subscribe it would really mean a lot to me :)
Charlie xxxx
Well I did it, I've recorded a couple of video logs as mentioned in a previous post. Right now I'm only putting up the intro with the next one going up possibly Monday/Tuesday. So let me know what you think ! If you like my ramblings then remember to subscribe it would really mean a lot to me :)
Charlie xxxx
Tuesday 17 March 2015
How does it feel?
I've been working on another post recently but I've had a few setbacks. I've tried to get some other Trans writers involved over a subject that has caused a division within the community. So while I parse the information and whatnot from these discussions I thought I'd take the time to write a little post for the interim. How does it feel being 'Trans'.
Now how can you explain how you feel about gender? And how can you accurately explain to someone who isn't Trans what it feels like to be in this position? For most of us we can explain why we are Trans, or that first moment where we knew, but it's totally different trying to explain how two halves of a person come together. Or in this case don't. However time and time again we get asked how do we feel being Trans. As if we can boil down our life experiences living with a Dysphoria into one easy to handle bite size chunk.
I'll give it my best shot.
When asked by friends about this I always try and flip the situation back onto them. I will often ask how being the Gender that they are makes them feel. Empowered, Attractive, Strong. These are some of the words I've heard used from both Males & Females. I like to make people feel aware of their Gender and how being within the matching body on the outside makes them feel comfortable. Then imagine if tomorrow you awoke to find that your physical body had changed and you were the only one that knew. People will interact with you on the basis of your physical side (Or Sex as we will call it here) however inside you know that it isn't the real you. You are no longer that person, that comfort and sense of self has essentially vanished leaving you as polar opposites of the same person. Well that's kind of how it feels.
Then you ask them what they would like to do in that situation. The first answer is "Well change back". But how can you when society still finds the idea of Transitioning rather taboo. How would your parents and family react? Remember as far as they are concerned in this hypothetical situation you are not the person you think you are. Will your friends still want your company? How much money is it going to cost? These are all questions we ask ourselves on a daily basis. The frustration of being inside what some consider an alien body.
I know that's really black and white of me. This scenario doesn't take into account the vastness of the Gender spectrum. Covering those like myself who associate as Gender Fluid or even those who consider themselves Genderless. I feel somewhat lucky being in a position where my Gender changes but as some of my long time readers and closest friends know that recently I've been questioning this aspect of me as having an uncontrollable switch back and forth can leave you incredibly frustrated and scared.
You know what though? Out of all the different ways I've tried to explain it, this way appears to work best. I've found it's given my friends a new understanding and are a lot more accommodating of my decision.
Have you ever tried to explain to people how being Trans feels? What did you do and how did it go? Let me know in the comments below.
I want to make a little update on last weeks post too before I finish. I've had quite a number of responses on Twitter etc and I think a Video Blog will be a good idea. I will try and get a video done soon for you all.
Remember to follow me on Twitter for even more ramblings and pictures of me acting like an idiot. Find me @Charlottewbuzz
Now how can you explain how you feel about gender? And how can you accurately explain to someone who isn't Trans what it feels like to be in this position? For most of us we can explain why we are Trans, or that first moment where we knew, but it's totally different trying to explain how two halves of a person come together. Or in this case don't. However time and time again we get asked how do we feel being Trans. As if we can boil down our life experiences living with a Dysphoria into one easy to handle bite size chunk.
I'll give it my best shot.
When asked by friends about this I always try and flip the situation back onto them. I will often ask how being the Gender that they are makes them feel. Empowered, Attractive, Strong. These are some of the words I've heard used from both Males & Females. I like to make people feel aware of their Gender and how being within the matching body on the outside makes them feel comfortable. Then imagine if tomorrow you awoke to find that your physical body had changed and you were the only one that knew. People will interact with you on the basis of your physical side (Or Sex as we will call it here) however inside you know that it isn't the real you. You are no longer that person, that comfort and sense of self has essentially vanished leaving you as polar opposites of the same person. Well that's kind of how it feels.
Then you ask them what they would like to do in that situation. The first answer is "Well change back". But how can you when society still finds the idea of Transitioning rather taboo. How would your parents and family react? Remember as far as they are concerned in this hypothetical situation you are not the person you think you are. Will your friends still want your company? How much money is it going to cost? These are all questions we ask ourselves on a daily basis. The frustration of being inside what some consider an alien body.
I know that's really black and white of me. This scenario doesn't take into account the vastness of the Gender spectrum. Covering those like myself who associate as Gender Fluid or even those who consider themselves Genderless. I feel somewhat lucky being in a position where my Gender changes but as some of my long time readers and closest friends know that recently I've been questioning this aspect of me as having an uncontrollable switch back and forth can leave you incredibly frustrated and scared.
You know what though? Out of all the different ways I've tried to explain it, this way appears to work best. I've found it's given my friends a new understanding and are a lot more accommodating of my decision.
Have you ever tried to explain to people how being Trans feels? What did you do and how did it go? Let me know in the comments below.
I want to make a little update on last weeks post too before I finish. I've had quite a number of responses on Twitter etc and I think a Video Blog will be a good idea. I will try and get a video done soon for you all.
Remember to follow me on Twitter for even more ramblings and pictures of me acting like an idiot. Find me @Charlottewbuzz
Sunday 8 March 2015
Video Killed the Radio Star
I need to stop making weird references in this blog.....
Over the last month or so I've been amazed by how much this blog has grown. What started as a little side project has quickly become a part of my life with it's own schedule and stuff. Where I used to fill my days playing Diablo III I now spend it writing, or at least tinkering away at different things. And with that growth comes expansion, that is the subject of today's post.
I've been thinking a lot lately about what I could do to expand on what I'm already doing. These blogs are great an all but I think there are certain expectations in how they are presented. I've always done these blogs the same, I write them in one go. Edit as necessary then post straight online. I don't want to come across as a super confident writer who doubles up as a walking thesaurus because that's not me in real life. I have the most limited vocabulary out of anyone your likely to meet and that always worries me when writing. Oh and my grammar is shocking. Just check out all those unnecessary commas and full stops, it's a crime to the English language. These expectations also shape the amount I write on each blog. I always want to make sure I have enough content on each post for you to read and think about without going too short or too long. Although that's not really an issue I sometimes worry if I've said enough.
Soooo for a while now I've been toying with the idea of doing Vlogs connected to my Youtube account. There I could maybe do little video bits to camera or perhaps even explore some of the topics I discuss here in the form of a video essay. I could interview people too, adding another dimension to this blog. I come from a video background. I've been making films since I was around 14 and it's something which I love doing. Maybe combining it alongside my written stuff could be just what this page needs.
The more I think about it though the more worried I get about it. So just to gauge your thoughts on it as a community I'm going to put down some of my anxieties here and we can take it from there.
First of all I still have a very distinctive accent. It also fluctuates between really high and quite low and as a result I've had difficulty in mastering my 'Female Voice'. I guess I become far more self aware when trying to and I don't want to come across as if I am pretending or putting on an act. I'm sure it doesn't matter what I sound like but inside I will notice. The good thing with pictures and words is you can make up how I act and what I sound like. I'm worried that I would break that illusion for some of the readers who haven't had the misfortune of meeting me in person. Then again to sound like a cliche I've always wanted this blog to be a true representation of me, with all my problems and weaknesses on show. So it's a question of keeping up appearances vs being who I am.
Just for the record Keeping up Appearances is an amazing TV show !
I'm also kind of worried about the outside world. As you are all aware although I am out in a lot of circles there are still aspects that I want to for the moment keep out of the loop. Work is one such place as I wouldn't want to risk what I'm doing because of a video. This sounds really weird I'm sure but I have finally found a job that I love and I don't ever want to risk that. Also there are circles of acquaintances that right now are not aware (or as far as I know) and so I'm paranoid about being out there too much. Yeah I'm on here but this is quite specialised. Vlogging can be very universal and I worry that it could catch on too fast.
And lastly it will only be once every few months that I do it. I want there to be a reason for my to switch the cam on and look all amazing for you folks. I don't really need to expand upon this point much more but if I did it would only be a few times a year. It all depends on whether it is worth doing that I suppose.
I'd really appreciate your feedback on this one ! Let me know in the comments. In my email or on my brand new sexy Twitter account @Charlottewbuzz. Or you know go follow me there and listen to me rambling on about how much I love Jack Daniels.
I am working on another more in depth blog and that should be with you all shortly. Until then I guess take it easy....
Over the last month or so I've been amazed by how much this blog has grown. What started as a little side project has quickly become a part of my life with it's own schedule and stuff. Where I used to fill my days playing Diablo III I now spend it writing, or at least tinkering away at different things. And with that growth comes expansion, that is the subject of today's post.
I've been thinking a lot lately about what I could do to expand on what I'm already doing. These blogs are great an all but I think there are certain expectations in how they are presented. I've always done these blogs the same, I write them in one go. Edit as necessary then post straight online. I don't want to come across as a super confident writer who doubles up as a walking thesaurus because that's not me in real life. I have the most limited vocabulary out of anyone your likely to meet and that always worries me when writing. Oh and my grammar is shocking. Just check out all those unnecessary commas and full stops, it's a crime to the English language. These expectations also shape the amount I write on each blog. I always want to make sure I have enough content on each post for you to read and think about without going too short or too long. Although that's not really an issue I sometimes worry if I've said enough.
Soooo for a while now I've been toying with the idea of doing Vlogs connected to my Youtube account. There I could maybe do little video bits to camera or perhaps even explore some of the topics I discuss here in the form of a video essay. I could interview people too, adding another dimension to this blog. I come from a video background. I've been making films since I was around 14 and it's something which I love doing. Maybe combining it alongside my written stuff could be just what this page needs.
 |
| Hey Youtube ! |
First of all I still have a very distinctive accent. It also fluctuates between really high and quite low and as a result I've had difficulty in mastering my 'Female Voice'. I guess I become far more self aware when trying to and I don't want to come across as if I am pretending or putting on an act. I'm sure it doesn't matter what I sound like but inside I will notice. The good thing with pictures and words is you can make up how I act and what I sound like. I'm worried that I would break that illusion for some of the readers who haven't had the misfortune of meeting me in person. Then again to sound like a cliche I've always wanted this blog to be a true representation of me, with all my problems and weaknesses on show. So it's a question of keeping up appearances vs being who I am.
Just for the record Keeping up Appearances is an amazing TV show !
 |
| Sue me ! |
I'm also kind of worried about the outside world. As you are all aware although I am out in a lot of circles there are still aspects that I want to for the moment keep out of the loop. Work is one such place as I wouldn't want to risk what I'm doing because of a video. This sounds really weird I'm sure but I have finally found a job that I love and I don't ever want to risk that. Also there are circles of acquaintances that right now are not aware (or as far as I know) and so I'm paranoid about being out there too much. Yeah I'm on here but this is quite specialised. Vlogging can be very universal and I worry that it could catch on too fast.
 |
I'd really appreciate your feedback on this one ! Let me know in the comments. In my email or on my brand new sexy Twitter account @Charlottewbuzz. Or you know go follow me there and listen to me rambling on about how much I love Jack Daniels.
I am working on another more in depth blog and that should be with you all shortly. Until then I guess take it easy....
 |
| Charlotte xxx |
Sunday 1 March 2015
Does it offend you?
Oh boy this should be fun !
Since starting this blog I've tried to tune myself in to what's going on around me. Near enough everything I write comes from some sort of personal experience and keeping my ears close to the ground means I pick up on a lot more things than I used to. I've become more aware of conversations and comments about the Transgender community. Sometimes these can be really positive. For example I had a fascinating conversation this week about the changing attitudes to Trans people but of course there's always someone ready to make comment.
This story begins with a conversation I overheard a few days ago. The topic was about a person/friend of theirs who had recently come out as Trans, unfortunately the conversation was not about how incredibly brave that person is, or how they need to show support and help her through things. No it was about how much she didn't subjectively 'Look like a Woman' and they would support her more if she had introduced it slowly rather than all at once....
...As you can imagine that annoyed me quite a lot.
Because I am admittedly a bit of a coward when it comes to public confrontation I sat away from them and tried to turn what they said off. But I just couldn't. That's why being the amazing Trans Hero/ine that I am (Read: Coward). I'm going to rant about it here.
First of all what is this obsession we all have with having to look more Female? I talked about this a few weeks ago after facing criticism for not having a Feminine enough smile (Read Here) and I'm sure a lot of you have had these experiences. "Wear this it will make you look girly". "You need more makeup to hide your masculinity". It just don't work like that I'm afraid. We aren't blessed with the same features and as such it's never going to be a 100% match. I've had enough comments about how feminine I look to swell anyone's ego but I'm still aware that I'm not totally 'pulling it off'. That's not the point though. The point is no matter how we look it's what's on the inside that counts. If you are any sort of friend you should be encouraging and complimenting her. You don't even have to lie about it. Sorry to sound like an Instagram photo but everyone is beautiful in some capacity and you should make sure you do your best to make people like that. The fact you have to comment on someone else's physical appearance only shows me that you have some deep seeded insecurities over your own. Fix that and show people some respect in the future is it people?
Second point what gives anyone the right to dictate how and when someone should express themselves? Telling someone that they should introduce themselves 'slowly' so that others can get used to it shows that you have no understanding of how it feels to live like that. The only person that matters in this instance is the person who has bravely decided to step out publicly as themselves. And you should make fucking sure you become part of the bedrock of their life. Embrace that person and treat them the same. That person has been Trans for probably most of their life and they are the same as always so just be good to them.
I find more and more we have to apologise for being more on the scene than ever. I ask others who are around me if they would be ok with me being Charlie in front of them. Would they be offended or freaked out if I was and when I am I often give people far more leniency than I should with pronouns and names. We all slip up from time to time which is fine but I find that even I say "You can call me whatever name you want I don't mind", but I really do mind. Why do I still let people get away with saying and commenting about my life both physically and mentally as if they are in control? Because of comments like you see above, because I am so used to people dictating my Trans life that it's almost as if I need the permission of the world and to do it on their terms.
Well you know what. We should not have to deal with that. Nobody should tell us what we can and can't do. Nobody should think it's fine to put others down and make up the rules when it comes to our expression. If I want to go out glammed up to the nines then I expect people to be fine with that. If you feel embarrassed or in some way think I'm doing wrong then that's your problem to sort out not mine. If you can't deal with it then I suggest you shut up and stand in a different corner. We are over here being far too progressive.
Maybe that's naive of me but we shall see.
Charlie xx
If you want to read more of my ramblings then follow me on Twitter @Charlottewbuzz
Since starting this blog I've tried to tune myself in to what's going on around me. Near enough everything I write comes from some sort of personal experience and keeping my ears close to the ground means I pick up on a lot more things than I used to. I've become more aware of conversations and comments about the Transgender community. Sometimes these can be really positive. For example I had a fascinating conversation this week about the changing attitudes to Trans people but of course there's always someone ready to make comment.
This story begins with a conversation I overheard a few days ago. The topic was about a person/friend of theirs who had recently come out as Trans, unfortunately the conversation was not about how incredibly brave that person is, or how they need to show support and help her through things. No it was about how much she didn't subjectively 'Look like a Woman' and they would support her more if she had introduced it slowly rather than all at once....
...As you can imagine that annoyed me quite a lot.
Because I am admittedly a bit of a coward when it comes to public confrontation I sat away from them and tried to turn what they said off. But I just couldn't. That's why being the amazing Trans Hero/ine that I am (Read: Coward). I'm going to rant about it here.
First of all what is this obsession we all have with having to look more Female? I talked about this a few weeks ago after facing criticism for not having a Feminine enough smile (Read Here) and I'm sure a lot of you have had these experiences. "Wear this it will make you look girly". "You need more makeup to hide your masculinity". It just don't work like that I'm afraid. We aren't blessed with the same features and as such it's never going to be a 100% match. I've had enough comments about how feminine I look to swell anyone's ego but I'm still aware that I'm not totally 'pulling it off'. That's not the point though. The point is no matter how we look it's what's on the inside that counts. If you are any sort of friend you should be encouraging and complimenting her. You don't even have to lie about it. Sorry to sound like an Instagram photo but everyone is beautiful in some capacity and you should make sure you do your best to make people like that. The fact you have to comment on someone else's physical appearance only shows me that you have some deep seeded insecurities over your own. Fix that and show people some respect in the future is it people?
Second point what gives anyone the right to dictate how and when someone should express themselves? Telling someone that they should introduce themselves 'slowly' so that others can get used to it shows that you have no understanding of how it feels to live like that. The only person that matters in this instance is the person who has bravely decided to step out publicly as themselves. And you should make fucking sure you become part of the bedrock of their life. Embrace that person and treat them the same. That person has been Trans for probably most of their life and they are the same as always so just be good to them.
I find more and more we have to apologise for being more on the scene than ever. I ask others who are around me if they would be ok with me being Charlie in front of them. Would they be offended or freaked out if I was and when I am I often give people far more leniency than I should with pronouns and names. We all slip up from time to time which is fine but I find that even I say "You can call me whatever name you want I don't mind", but I really do mind. Why do I still let people get away with saying and commenting about my life both physically and mentally as if they are in control? Because of comments like you see above, because I am so used to people dictating my Trans life that it's almost as if I need the permission of the world and to do it on their terms.
Well you know what. We should not have to deal with that. Nobody should tell us what we can and can't do. Nobody should think it's fine to put others down and make up the rules when it comes to our expression. If I want to go out glammed up to the nines then I expect people to be fine with that. If you feel embarrassed or in some way think I'm doing wrong then that's your problem to sort out not mine. If you can't deal with it then I suggest you shut up and stand in a different corner. We are over here being far too progressive.
Maybe that's naive of me but we shall see.
Charlie xx
If you want to read more of my ramblings then follow me on Twitter @Charlottewbuzz
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