February is kind of important for me. February the 12th to be exact. Because that was the day I decided to stop living in denial and fear of who I was. To get out there and try to be the person that I am today. Without this day there wouldn't be this blog and without it I wouldn't have a new found respect and love for my closest friends. Yeah it's Feb 13th today so I'm a day off writing this post but shhh don't tell anyone.
I remember late 2012 when Laura Jane Grace, the incredible singer of Punk band Against Me! was featured in an article for Rolling Stone. In said article she laid her cards on the table and announced to the world she was Trans. There has always been an LGBT element in punk music, most notably the Queercore offshoot, however for the first time I felt a personal connection with a musician. It was as if Laura was speaking directly to me. I'd been a fan of her band for a number of years but my tastes veered off during University. This article felt like a reunion. Last time you spoke to me I knew you as Tom and now as Laura I feel even more connected. I'd always tried to keep both my Male and Female personas separate especially on social media, but after reading I did something I never have before. I posted the article on my personal Facebook page. This was for me the beginning of this whole journey.
Things went a little quiet through 2013. Focusing more on my education again I let the words of LJG fade into memory. That was until Jan of 2014 when her band released the absolutely incredible Transgender Dysphoria Blues.
What can I say which hasn't already been said other than this is probably the most important album in my entire life. Even though it's been out for just over a year it's influenced and helped me more so than any other piece of music. The entire album is full of hard hitting songs which all in some way speak to me personally. Much like the article it felt like the band had written an entire album just for me. I don't know how many times the album repeated in my Spotify until I finally bought a copy for myself on February the 12th. I could finally take the album wherever I went and it was then that I realised I'd been running from myself.
I was on a bus coming home from work when my iPod shuffled to in my opinion the best song on the album 'fuckmylife666'. "Edgy" name aside it really did for me encapsulate all the frustrations I'd felt being Trans. The album had a definite ark and this was the point where I was in my own life. I got off the bus and walked for a while. I felt it was time to change things in my life. And that's when I decided to not run any more (Not physically I haven't run in years :P) and face up to who I am.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is thanks Laura. You have helped me tackle my own insecurities and have made me proud to be the person I am. You have mentioned in a number of articles you don't like being called a role model and the like but to me your words are the cornerstone of my new Trans life. Charlotte 2.0 or something if you will. You will probably never read this (Unless I spam your Twitter page which I'm SO GOING TO DO) but thanks for everything.
One year on so much has changed. I have come out to so many people and I'm beginning to understand more about myself. This blog is just one part of that, by writing my life here I hope to inspire and to make sense of everything.
On another note I managed to see Against Me! during their November tour of the U.K. I've seen some bands in my time but nobody can rock as hard as you ! Even if you stood on my head at one point.
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