February is kind of important

I'm going to do one of those one year retrospective things now so watch out !

February is kind of important for me. February the 12th to be exact. Because that was the day I decided to stop living in denial and fear of who I was. To get out there and try to be the person that I am today. Without this day there wouldn't be this blog and without it I wouldn't have a new found respect and love for my closest friends. Yeah it's Feb 13th today so I'm a day off writing this post but shhh don't tell anyone.

I remember late 2012 when Laura Jane Grace, the incredible singer of Punk band Against Me! was featured in an article for Rolling Stone. In said article she laid her cards on the table and announced to the world she was Trans. There has always been an LGBT element in punk music, most notably the Queercore offshoot, however for the first time I felt a personal connection with a musician. It was as if Laura was speaking directly to me. I'd been a fan of her band for a number of years but my tastes veered off during University. This article felt like a reunion. Last time you spoke to me I knew you as Tom and now as Laura I feel even more connected. I'd always tried to keep both my Male and Female personas separate especially on social media, but after reading I did something I never have before. I posted the article on my personal Facebook page. This was for me the beginning of this whole journey. 

Things went a little quiet through 2013. Focusing more on my education again I let the words of LJG fade into memory. That was until Jan of 2014 when her band released the absolutely incredible Transgender Dysphoria Blues.

What can I say which hasn't already been said other than this is probably the most important album in my entire life. Even though it's been out for just over a year it's influenced and helped me more so than any other piece of music. The entire album is full of hard hitting songs which all in some way speak to me personally. Much like the article it felt like the band had written an entire album just for me. I don't know how many times the album repeated in my Spotify until I finally bought a copy for myself on February the 12th. I could finally take the album wherever I went and it was then that I realised I'd been running from myself.

I was on a bus coming home from work when my iPod shuffled to in my opinion the best song on the album 'fuckmylife666'. "Edgy" name aside it really did for me encapsulate all the frustrations I'd felt being Trans. The album had a definite ark and this was the point where I was in my own life. I got off the bus and walked for a while. I felt it was time to change things in my life. And that's when I decided to not run any more (Not physically I haven't run in years :P) and face up to who I am. 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is thanks Laura. You have helped me tackle my own insecurities and have made me proud to be the person I am. You have mentioned in a number of articles you don't like being called a role model and the like but to me your words are the cornerstone of my new Trans life. Charlotte 2.0 or something if you will. You will probably never read this (Unless I spam your Twitter page which I'm SO GOING TO DO) but thanks for everything. 

One year on so much has changed. I have come out to so many people and I'm beginning to understand more about myself. This blog is just one part of that, by writing my life here I hope to inspire and to make sense of everything. 

On another note I managed to see Against Me! during their November tour of the U.K. I've seen some bands in my time but nobody can rock as hard as you ! Even if you stood on my head at one point.

Leelah Alcorn.

By now I'm sure those of you who visit my blog may have read or have at least heard a little about the tragic death of Leelah Alcorn almost a week ago. A death that in this day an age should have been completely preventable. For all the banner waving and positive outcomes of 2014, this event shows that we have a long way to go.

Enough has already been said from others who are better educated and more in the know than myself. However I can't just stand back without helping to keep the spirit alive. I don't have much to say, there's nothing to say. I just hope that in some way I can help.

For those who may not know Leelah, a young Trans Woman had struggled with Gender Dysphoria from a young age. At 14 she had discovered  the word Transgender and took the brave move to come out to her family. The last Tumblr post she made mentioned certain members of her family had been extremely negative towards her decision to come out and she had even been sent to Conversion Therapy. A spiral of depression, perpetuated by individuals around her led her to a desperate end. On the night of December 28 2014, Leelah committed suicide. Her last Tumblr post acting as the suicide note.

Now this blog will not accuse or insight anger towards an individual or a community. I have never met those personally involved so who am I to criticise publicly. For the record though the fact that we have in this day and age things like conversion therapy treatments is despicable and those in charge should be ashamed. To force people to suicide because 'The bible tells you so' is a wicked act which should not be tolerated in today's society. I suggest everyone who reads this goes and checks out the Change.Org campaign to out law such practices.

Leelah wanted her death to be a statement. She wanted to spark a discussion about the way in which society treats and supports Transgender people. The key word there is society. Despite my vitriolic rant above what we need to do is change our society as a whole instead of focusing on the individuals who seek to ruin. We need to look at the bigger picture and a society which still perpetuates and supports Transphobic behavior. We need to educate whoever we can even in a small way that tolerance is above all else the most important trait we humans possess. To teach that negative terms destroy us all as a culture bit by bit. Leelah's will not die in vain. It's vital that we never forget her. That is the only way we can ensure that even in some way we can make good on her request.

I wasn't sure what I was going to say by this. I didn't want to create some bile filled post which insights anger or pain. We have all as a species suffered enough to last a lifetime. What I wanted to do was to just show we care. As a community we all care. I haven't said all that much here. But saying something is always better than saying nothing.

I didn't want to have the last word however. That honor goes to Leelah. Rest in Power sister !

"The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren't treated the way I was, they're treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say 'that's fucked up' and fix it. Fix society. Please.

Goodbye,

Leelah Alcorn 1997 - 2014